Architecting your relationship

As D and I are working on amending our contract to further reflect who we are as a couple and how we want to build our relationship, I realized it is like drafting blueprints. In today’s business world you architect solutions to solve workplace problems.  Is it any different for your relationships?

To architect your relationship, the client and the architect (Dominant and submissive playing both parts) must sit down and decide what it is they want.  What are the goals, the purpose? What needs and desires must this fulfill? What else matters to them?  These conversations create the concept.

Then they put all that together to create the image, what it could look like and how it can be laid out.  The rough draft, so to speak.  Things get moved around, discussed further and tweaked until they feel that it solidifies what they were seeking.

From there a formal drawing (contract) is created. Still more tweaks are necessary as the specific language, formatting and style are determined, much like when the engineer gets a hold of the drawings.

Once all is agreed upon and the drawings are signed off on, its time to ready and pour the foundation.  Timing, weather, materials and several other factors will determine when building can begin.

As you begin to build, is everything done precisely as drawn out?  Most likely the answer is no.  Many find there are other things they want or need at this point that they did not know at the beginning. New rules might need adhered to or established. It is truly an on-going conversation and the need for flexibility in the process is critical.

This is where D and I find ourselves.  We had a great contract that met all of our needs when written out, but have found that there are other aspects that we did not take into account. While our relationship is growing and evolving, so too must our D/s agreement and what we need and desire from one another and from our dynamic.  Our relationship is deeper than many vanilla relationships and because of that the foundation we have already built needs expanded and with rough terrain at times, we need to account for that so that our structure that we are building will stand firm against the elements and stand the test of time.

So here is to architecting your relationships, just as you would building your home from scratch. Dream it, draw it, tweak it, pour it and build it to meet your goals, needs and desires.

Cheers!

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Day to day

This is terrifically written and I can so relate to the brat, the obedient sub and the professional. Thank you for sharing.

Respectfully Submitted

Prompt Set #134

– Do adversities amplify your submissive tendencies, or submerge them?

Both as a wife and as a submissive, adversities tend to submerge my submissive tendencies.  This is one of the areas where the lines between the egalitarian h/w relationship and the D/s relationship are sometimes hazy.  It is hard to even describe.  There are times when as a wife, there is a challenging situation that has kicked my butt and I am on the ground.  I am balling on the inside, but you see a woman with a steely resolve and a cold demeanor on the outside.  After over a decade together, my husband sees this and offers the figurative hand to pick me up.  Heck, he waves the hand or even straight up bear hugs me.  I push him away.  I find that it is at the end of the day during His time, that I…

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Craving Desires

desire

I’m insatiable!

Lately, I’ve been struggling with being a little and being a very sexual submissive. My sexual desire are strong, they are always present and they are a craving, a true need. It is overpowering at times.

I need it strong, feral even. My little side on the other hand needs cuddles, needs playful interactions and likes it soft and sensual.  Can the two blend?  Yes they can, tho sometimes the blend needs to be put aside and the raw, feral, primal need to be manhandled.

Recently, Daddy didn’t sate those needs because he felt that I truly needed just to be held, cuddled and shown love and care. I know he was right, but these other needs are ever present. They don’t dim, they don’t go away.  He feels that I allow these needs to cover up what I really need and give myself the false sense of taking care of them through this animalistic desire.

To some degree he is correct. My experiences have built up to that. My marriage was good and the sex was frequent and good. But I never let my darker needs out nor did I acknowledge my little.  In my last D/s relationship it was all about the sex and his needs, which mirrored my carnal desires. Yet that’s where it ended. We were sexual soul mates but not heartfelt soul mates. He understood me through my desires, my needs, my cravings, but he never understood my heart.

Daddy understand it all. He can sate all of these needs. He listens, he observes and he wants what is best for me in every moment. He puts me first.  He cherishes me.

He touches my heart, soothes its wounds, quiets my mind, comforts my worries, puts out my fears and shows me love in a way no one else ever has.  I love you Daddy.

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The official collaring

My collar

My collar

Without fanfare and without any formal ceremony, D collared me.  I know he wanted my friends around and make it more of a celebration, but sometimes the most important moments, need to be simple and private.

My collar is a simple antique style key with some modern elements (the flames). Hanging on a simple silver chain.  And I love it.

Far nicer than the bling he originally wanted that was backordered then cancelled.  He still wants to get a nicer chain and a lock so others see the symbolism.

I knew it was coming since it was my birthday gift (over a month ago) and so the words were spoken when he put a little band around my wrist.  This collaring was while out at the PA Renaissance Faire and we’d been shopping, enjoying mulled wine, crisp autumn day and being together.  We stumbled on the key and we knew it was perfect.   We went over to a picnic table and he placed it around my neck.  Its amazing how something so simple can have such deep meaning and love.

Happy collared little sub.

Signed in Ink

contract

 

Without fanfare the contract has been signed.  We spent time reading over it, and a planned discussion kept being postponed. This past weekend we sat down asked each other if there was anything they wanted to change, add or delete.  Hearing none, it was done.  We signed each other’s copies.  Then we kissed.  It was as simple as that.

In spite of the lack of ceremony around it, I have to say that in my pulling this contract together, it is a testament to how much we have discussed what is important to each of us.  I was able to add what I’ve heard were his important points and I could add my own. There were no surprises.  Clearly our communication is working.  (happy little things).

In putting together this particular contract, I did consider many things as I talked about in Writing the Contract however, I wanted the right words, and I wanted to use a format that made sense.  So I took a look at what I could find in the blogs here and by searching on Google.  I found three or four that various points hit home with me and that’s what I used to shape the contract for D and i.  After putting in those points, I went through to edit them to be true to us.  I went through a second time to add in our specifics based on our communications.  I went through a third time to edit the format. 

In one example I had looked at they created goals for the term of the contract.  I loved this idea and incorporated it post signature as the goals are not part of the definition of our dynamic, more they give us a starting point.  I put things for him that I know he wishes to accomplish and that I wish for him to focus on.  He did the same for me. 

So while no fanfare, no cheering, no ribbon cutting ceremonies.  D and i have a wonderful Dominance/submissive contract to start us off.  This one is termed at 6 months because we are still new to each other and I felt in 6 mos. we may want to make adjustments to it.  This forces us to face things at that time. 

Happy Dom, happy sub.

 

Missing Him

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Sometimes you think of someone and you miss them.  Not sure why but you do.  This week I am missing my Sir.  He is away for work and while we typically don’t see each other much during the week anyway, this week I’m really missing him.  I’ve been busy and he’s away so you’d think our few texts in the morning and at night would suffice.  Nope!

I miss the random texts throughout the day, the teasing and joking while at work.  I miss his good morning messages when I wake up, this week he gets those.

I know I am on his mind and he knows he is on mine.  But I still miss him and look forward to seeing him this weekend.

Owned

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Being owned is powerful.
A soul baring experience.

Based on truth
Passion
Connection
and Trust

Being owned is vulnerable
A giving of yourself
with no walls to protect

Need
Craving
Core desires

Being owned is an embrace
Wanted for who you are
Desired for what you offer
Cherished for what you give

Being owned is being loved
Intimately
Outwardly
Completely

 

Needing to stand firm

Yesterday I posted a poem that I entitled Brave.  Little did I know just how Brave I was going to need to be yesterday.

He contacted me…. demanding of me… said many hurtful things. He ripped old scars open. He tried emotional manipulations. He tried to hurt me. Then called me the martyr when I said that I was tired of hurting.  I would remember the good and I’d always care for him.  He went on and on.

But I stood firm.  I stood Brave.

My Submission

My submission is as a pleasure slave for a Master or Dominant. This has evolved from sub curious to D/s to M/s to understanding my slave heart to be that of a pleasure slave. However, it is very scary to tell someone that you are a pleasure slave so in talking to potential Dom’s I start off with being a sub and see where the conversations lead. I’ve only had one Master pull this out in me and he still can. While we cannot be in a relationship because other facets of needs/desires just clash, this one part meshes well.

When I’m expressing my submission, it is like the world melts away and I’m at one with myself and my partner. I’m not afraid of anything and I’m so at peace. There is strong contentment and nothing else matters. I’m in the moment. I’m free. I’m ME!