Wonderful vacation

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Vacation with daddy was incredibly relaxing and fun at the same time.  A whole week of being together and while my kids were with us, lots of time for just us.

We spent a lot of time in the car together and the wonderful lighthearted, playful banter we shared set the tone for the trip. It helped us relax and just be us, together.  (little things)  We did have some serious discussions mid week but even those didn’t weigh us down for long.

Most mornings spent on the beach, he tanning and me under an umbrella. He got me to be adventurous and go out into the ocean and jumping waves.  2015-07-20 19.35.52 Afternoons spent playing mini-golf.  I beat him once, he beat me three times, but our scores were so close to each other’s – never more than 3 points between us.  Loved being able to keep up with him.  2015-07-19 13.22.46 Then we would spend time in our great vacation house, enjoying the air conditioning. Typically him napping and me reading, yet I would eventually nap myself.  Evenings were always a mix.  Going out to enjoy what the town had to offer or just sitting on the beach and taking pictures.  One night we sat on the beach until it was really dark out.  Enjoyed good food, fireworks and lots of fun times. 2015-07-20 19.34.20

One of my favorite experiences was our helicopter ride.  We took a brief helicopter tour over Myrtle Beach and I loved the pictures I got from it.  Had so much fun.    2015-07-24 12.38.41

Now daddy and I are back to routines and everyday life. We miss each other a lot and working on how to spend more time together. Work keeps us both busy and school will start soon for me.  We’ve enjoyed this summer and of course vacation was what we both needed to reconnect.

Here are a few pics that sum it all up.

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Hope you all have or will have your own great moments.

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Bumps in the Road

Mt Everest Climb

Why does bumps in the road sometimes feel like climbing Mt. Everest?

When it comes to relationships, bumps in the road happen.  They are faced and dealt with and you get past them.  If you are smart enough to see that the road keeps going beyond the bump, that is.  I face most things this way, seeing past the bump and moving on while learning from it at the same time.

Recently, daddy and i had a bump in our road.  He understood that and he worked to get us past it and moving forward.  Ok, this bump was more like a hill or steep incline…. but nevertheless, I saw it as the tallest mountain to climb and no road beyond the top of it, so we would have to build from scratch.

As a little and a submissive with next to no patience, I didn’t like the mountain climb only to have to rebuild everything we spent a year building.  It seems unfair and I want the happy journey we were on to continue.  Waiting for Daddy to take the ropes and decide where to start.

What I didn’t see or conceptualize is that Daddy got us safely over the hill, no ropes needed and we could continue on our journey as the road was already built for us.  I only had to turn around to see it instead of looking off in the distance.

How many times have you thought things were worse than they were? How did you handle them? What prompted you to see what was in plain sight?

Thank you Daddy for helping me to see you had us through all of this and still do.

My Rock

When Budgeting Becomes Overwhelming

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything about my journey.  A lot has been going on and my heart and mind have been overwhelmed.  I’ve shut down and I’ve not been a good submissive, girlfriend, lover, friend, etc.  I focused on work and school to help me, and that further shut me down as I wasn’t being true to myself or the one I love.

I’m coming back to my senses and to myself thanks to my daddy. He isn’t perfect. He makes mistakes, little and big but he owns them and makes changes to fix them. He is my love, my world. He supports me even thru my mistakes.  He helps me to see them, acknowledge them and grow from the experiences.  He makes difficult decisions, including ones that I don’t like or cause me hurt feelings, but he does them with us in mind.  He makes difficult decisions that are for us, to help us heal and move forward.  He has so much strength and I honestly love him all the more.

Daddy is my rock, he deserves my respect and my love. He is “higher than I” because I gave him that gift.  He is showing me what that means to him in ways I never could expect.  He is showing me what a true Dominant is and should be.  No one else has ever put me first in their lives and he not only makes me a priority but he is showing me unconditional love. A very new thing for me to experience.  Thank you daddy.

While I know he only expects love and respect in return, I know I owe him far more than that for what he plans for us and me. I can only repay him by truly deepening my submission and trusting that he will only act in our best interests and he will protect me and my interests.

Daddy know that you are loved and valued. I will work with you to ensure our hurts are learned from and we move forward. I will work on myself to repair the parts broken. You are my world and I will honor you and you are honoring me.  I am yours and you are mine.

A view to wake up to…

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Sometimes it is the simplest things in life that are truly so beautiful.  I had the wonderful opportunity to be in NY with M (one of my partners) and while relaxing and enjoying the view, he snapped this lovely picture.

I normally do not like photos of myself, (D has been breaking me of that for the past year) and yet I really like this one.  More for the view outside the window.  However, he captured me so relaxed and quiet.  That alone is quite beautiful and rare.

Happy Monday everyone!  Back to the hectic, crazy schedule.

First Fight

tearsI was sad this weekend because D couldn’t come over.  It sucked because I had cleared the day in advance for us to have the whole afternoon/evening together and the privacy needed for it to just be the two of us. We haven’t had this kind of time in a month and it was really needed.

I’d been stressed due to family stuff, I needed this time with him even if we did nothing but sit on the sofa and watch movies.  He hadn’t been feeling well from mid-week and then Saturday morning seemed to be doing fine.  He had gone back home after a few errands and decided to eat, shower and rest before coming over.  This meant late afternoon he’d arrive.  Well 5 minutes before he was to leave, he sent a text that he wasn’t feeling well again.  An hour later another text that he was angry that he felt fine all day until now.

He knew I cleared the day for him. He knew I was sitting home alone patiently waiting.  And now this….   I tried not to respond, but he asked how I was and the floodgates opened.  I was hurt, angry and felt like a fool.  I wasn’t on any level being logical, it was pure raw emotion.  I tried to explain it wasn’t a good time for me to explain because nothing made sense.  He pushed that button and it turned into a full on argument.

I was hurt that it felt like I wasn’t important enough to just drive the 45 minutes to relax with me, was angry that everything was left in the air all day and a last minute cancel and I felt like a fool for carving out all the time for him.  (No real logic in any of that)

I was sobbing and apologizing for my side profusely just hoping it would end.  I was already sad enough.  His being angry with me for pointing out how upset I was made him feel worse, made me feel even more upset.  I couldn’t understand how he didn’t want me to point out that his not coming down bothered me. He said that he never said he wasn’t coming, but he sure implied it.  I mentioned this and nothing was resolved.

After a lot of tears and his angry words, we finally dealt with the real issue which is I was extremely stressed out to begin with and that he should have let me have the space needed to get logic back in my mind before we had the conversation.  It still didn’t change that he didn’t come down, so I spent the day/evening alone on the sofa….. lonely and miserable.  I ended up with a full on migraine.

However, I need to realize that he already knew I was upset and that I don’t need to point it out specifically unless it is about something new.  Yes, his not being able to come down has happened before at the last minute (all good reasons) and he knows how it makes me feel.  He does apologize for it and does attempt to make it up to me.

While the weekend was a bust, having to get through this first fight (and via text no less) was one that any new relationship is put through the paces.  We survived our first fight with only some tears and a headache…  A hug would have been preferred but being reminded you are loved and we will work on our issues together was a good thing.

Shopping… a better word for dating these days

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Shopping is my term for this online dating or “seeing what’s out there” in the world we live in.   I coined the term when my Dom at the time would begin to spend his free time online at sites like CM or Fet and just peruse the boards.  He hated the phrase because I indicated that I felt he was searching for another sub to join the family.  The reality is he was always keeping his eyes open in case he came across someone that would mesh.

So being a single sub and feeling ready to get out there, having never done the online dating thing or the search for Mr. Right before, Yes I’ve had boyfriends and even married one of them, I’ve also had a Dom but they all were friends first.  Our friendship turned into dating or being in service to.  This was a whole new market for me. Thus I found myself “shopping” for a Dom.

What sites to post on, what to reveal about myself, what to look for, what to expect from communications, how fast to move, what about pics?  Oh my, the questions went on.   It is overwhelming to say the least.  But like shopping for new clothes or shoes, you have the opportunity to see the merchandise and try on what you like. No commitments and nothing lost if it doesn’t fit you.

So using that mindset, I looked over a few sites I was already on, read some message boards, looked over profiles of friends and started to think about my shopping list.  What was I really looking for, what was I ready to give and how did those connect.  Then I updated my profiles and set my search criteria on those sites.  Then I spent time reading (a lot of time reading) profiles and then I’d get messages from those that have seen my profile. I’d chat with them and ask questions, I’d answer some about myself and we’d determine fairly quickly if there was anything to go on to the “next step”.  Usually means, IM’ing to converse without the commitment or risk of sharing my name and number.

The humor is this is almost the same thing when you are buying an important appliance for your home, you check out the consumer affairs, testimonials, etc.  You ask the store clerk questions.  You look for what you want and you don’t settle until it feels right. You shop.

Shopping is my word for dating these days in the online world we have all adapted to. Is it the best way, I’m not sure. But I know I get to meet people at my own pace and I don’t feel pressured to make a purchase (commit to anyone).  My advice is take your time, know what you want and search it out.

Happy Shopping!