Architecting your relationship

As D and I are working on amending our contract to further reflect who we are as a couple and how we want to build our relationship, I realized it is like drafting blueprints. In today’s business world you architect solutions to solve workplace problems.  Is it any different for your relationships?

To architect your relationship, the client and the architect (Dominant and submissive playing both parts) must sit down and decide what it is they want.  What are the goals, the purpose? What needs and desires must this fulfill? What else matters to them?  These conversations create the concept.

Then they put all that together to create the image, what it could look like and how it can be laid out.  The rough draft, so to speak.  Things get moved around, discussed further and tweaked until they feel that it solidifies what they were seeking.

From there a formal drawing (contract) is created. Still more tweaks are necessary as the specific language, formatting and style are determined, much like when the engineer gets a hold of the drawings.

Once all is agreed upon and the drawings are signed off on, its time to ready and pour the foundation.  Timing, weather, materials and several other factors will determine when building can begin.

As you begin to build, is everything done precisely as drawn out?  Most likely the answer is no.  Many find there are other things they want or need at this point that they did not know at the beginning. New rules might need adhered to or established. It is truly an on-going conversation and the need for flexibility in the process is critical.

This is where D and I find ourselves.  We had a great contract that met all of our needs when written out, but have found that there are other aspects that we did not take into account. While our relationship is growing and evolving, so too must our D/s agreement and what we need and desire from one another and from our dynamic.  Our relationship is deeper than many vanilla relationships and because of that the foundation we have already built needs expanded and with rough terrain at times, we need to account for that so that our structure that we are building will stand firm against the elements and stand the test of time.

So here is to architecting your relationships, just as you would building your home from scratch. Dream it, draw it, tweak it, pour it and build it to meet your goals, needs and desires.

Cheers!

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Connected once again

 

My center has been connected once again.  Yay!  The reconnection and pulling from within was a journey of its own.

Feeling like you lost your submission is depressing and anxiety provoking. At least it was for me.  It was also challenging for D as he had to contend with my moods and my lashing out.  However, we worked together and while I’m sure there is still work to do, I at least feel myself again and the connection is there.

Through discipline, lots of talking and working on our contract renewal helped to piece back the puzzle that is me.  Sir’s reminders that I am His, that I am worthy and that he had me helped me feel safe and loved. For some, this might have been all that was needed. For me, I needed more.  Some mild discipline also helped but without him standing firm that the behavior has to change, was not enough. I exhibited very bratty behavior and couldn’t understand why. I broke some rules even.  I needed Him to stand firm and put his foot down.  I needed rules and consequences. I needed Him to take back the control.

Our contract renewal involved laying out rules, protocol and rituals that had been absent from our first one.  This involved understanding one another and what it means to our relationship. This humbled me and allowed me to open up to Him.  An intense scene followed and the final piece fell into place.

I no longer wanted to be in control.  Once he took that back, I felt calmer. I felt more myself. I felt connected to my submission and to my Owner.

Thank you Sir.

Our Contract

I’ve been asked to share the agreement/ contract that D and I signed utilizing wonderful contracts written by others and adding in our own pieces of the puzzle.

Dominant and submissive Agreement

Created on August 16, 2014

This document serves as an agreement which defines in specific terms the power exchange relationship and interaction between two individuals, hereafter termed the submissive and the Dominant. This agreement is only binding between the two people signed below. This agreement is entered voluntarily with both parties agreeing to the conditions.

This agreement is intended to guide the two individuals on their journey together, and while the primary intention is to please the Dominant, it is also intended to shape the submissive into a better, happier, and stronger woman, and to help the couple grow together spiritually, lovingly, mentally, and physically. This agreement shall serve as the basis for an extension of the relationship, committed to in the spirit of loving and consent. Dominance and submission with the intention of furthering self-awareness and exploration, promoting health and happiness, and improving both our lives.

This contract has a life of 6 months. At its expiration a new contract may be created and signed.

  Section I: The Dominant’s role

a)      The Dominant agrees to care for the submissive to include tending to the physical safety and emotional and mental well-being of the submissive as long as He owns the submissive.

b)      The Dominant also accepts the commitment to treat the submissive properly, to train and discipline the submissive, punish the submissive, love the submissive, and use the submissive as He sees fit.

c)      The Dominant accepts the responsibility to use His power to mold and shape the submissive, assist the submissive to grow in strength, character, confidence and being, and to help her become a better woman in all areas of her life.

d)     The Dominant will not ever purposefully ignore the submissive.

e)      It shall be the Dominant’s duty, with applicable assistance from the submissive, to watch for and prevent any mental or emotional trauma which may stem from the condition of servitude, activities within the condition of service, or any other variable that is based within the confines of this contract.

f)       The Dominant will be faithful to the submissive, and will be honest and loyal to her at all times.

g)      The Dominant will always be open to the submissive’s concerns and thoughts, worries and stresses, and will encourage her to always open up and express her feelings and concerns to Him without fear of punishment.

h)   The Dominant agrees to not submit the submissive to a session when he might not be in the proper frame of mind to administer it.

i)     The Dominant will always support the submissive through encouragement in her relationships with family and friends as well as through her career.

j)      The Dominant will not keep the submissive or their relationship isolated from other aspects of his daily life.

 Section II: The submissive’s role

a)      The primary purpose of the submissive is to serve, obey, and please the Dominant, in a manner seem fit by the Dominant.

b)      The submissive will put her entire trust into the Dominant with the knowledge that He will never betray that trust.

c)      The submissive shall follow rules, rituals and guidelines as established by the Dominant, with the understanding that breaking a rule, ritual or guideline will lead to some form of punishment as dictated by the Dominant.

d)     The submissive agrees to follow the direction and commands from the Dominant both in and out of the bedroom.

e)      The submissive will always respond to the sexual needs of the Dominant at any time in any manner that he sees fit, unless responding to His needs violates any other aspect of this contract. This includes engaging in sexual activities with the Dominant that might be outside of her comfort zone but she will do them as they please him.

f)       The submissive will be faithful to the Dominant and will be honest and loyal to him at all times.

g)      The submissive will at all times act in a manner that is respectful of the Dominant, to include manners of speech, promptness, proper answers, obedience, loyalty, and honesty, with the understanding between both of them that the submissive shall not have to necessarily alter her personality.

h)      The submissive will take proper care of her body in a manner that is pleasing to the Dominant and with guidance from him if necessary.

i)        If the situation feels warranted by the Dominant, the Dominant may demand the submissive make other adjustments to lifestyle.

j)        When not in His presence, the submissive will maintain regular contact with the Dominant, to include informing Him of her schedule and activities. Regular contact is to include phone calls, text messages, or emails. The submissive will do everything in her capacity to respond promptly to all communications from the Dominant, and must never make the Dominant feel ignored by her.

k)    The submissive will not keep the Dominant or their relationship isolated from other aspects of her daily life.

l)        His reliance on safewords obligates me to use them and I Promise to do so. I will use “yellow” as a warning word to request that the Dominant slow down, ease up, or change direction while continuing the session. I will use “red” to immediately end a scene or session

m)    Additionally, the submissive agrees to the following:

a.       To strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with her capability to serve the Dominant and limit her growth as his submissive

b.      To reveal her thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment

c.       To inform the Dominant of her wants and perceived needs, recognizing that he is the judge of whether or how these shall be satisfied

d.      To strive toward maintenance of a positive self-image and development of realistic expectations and goals

e.       To work with the Dominant to become a happy and self-fulfilled individual

f.       To work against negative aspects of my ego and my insecurities that would interfere with advancement of these aims

 Section III: Other Partners

The Dominant understands that the submissive entered the relationship with a Polyamorous tendency.  The submissive agrees to discuss any potential partner with the Dominant and develop acceptable boundaries to remain true to the Dominant/submissive relationship created in this agreement.

The Dominant expresses desire and interest in the submissive having other intimate partners. The Dominant agrees that any intimate partner of his choosing must agree to all hard limits and treat submissive with respect and respect of the Dominant and submissive’s relationship. The submissive agrees that any intimate partner of her choosing will treat her with respect and respect of the Dominant and submissive’s relationship and accepting of the boundaries established by the Dominant.

The Dominant agrees that any partner for himself will be discussed in advance with the submissive and will develop acceptable boundaries to remain true to the Dominant/submissive relationship created in this agreement.

 Section IV:  Limits

The Dominant and submissive have discussed and provided one another a listing of hard limits.  It is agreed upon that these limits include no permanent marks or piercings, no permanent bodily harm, no illegal activities or any play involving children or animals, no play involving blood, scat or direct fire.

 Section V:  Punishments

The submissive and the Dominant agree that appropriate punishments are necessary for the growth of the submissive. Punishments are dependent on the severity of the infraction. Punishments will be used to change the behavior and remind the submissive of this agreement.

Dominant will inform submissive that she is being punished when punishment occurs. He will explain the reason for punishment either before, during, or following punishment. The Dominant agrees to discipline only out of a desire to better the submissive, and further agrees to never punish out of, or during, feelings of anger.

 Section VI: Alteration of contract

This contract may not be altered, except when both Dominant and submissive jointly agree. If the contract is altered, the new contract shall be printed and signed, and then the old contract must be destroyed.

 Section VII: Termination of Contract

Should either Dominant or submissive find that their aspirations are not being well served by this agreement, find this commitment too burdensome, or for any other reason wish to cancel, either may do so by verbal notification to the other, in keeping with the consensual nature of the agreement.

We both understand that cancellation means a cessation of the control stated and implied within this agreement, not a termination of our relationship as friends and/or lovers. Should the relationship as lovers and/or friends terminate, this agreement becomes null and void.

Upon cancellation, each agree to offer the other their reasons and assess our new needs and situation openly and lovingly.

 Section VIII: submissive’s signature

With a free mind and open heart; do request of Dominant that he accept the submission of my will unto him and take me into his care and guidance, that we may grow together in love, trust, and mutual respect. The satisfaction of his wants, desires, and whims are consistent with my desire as a submissive to be found pleasing to him. To that end, I offer him the use of my time, talents, and abilities.

My surrender as a submissive is done with the knowledge that nothing asked of me will demean me as a person, and in no way diminish my own responsibilities toward making use of my potential.

Signature____________________________________________  Date_______

 Section IX: Dominant’s signature

I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this submissive as my property, and to care for her to the best of my ability. I shall command her, train her, love her, and punish her as a submissive. I shall always treat her with respect. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to the submissive as long as she is mine.

Signature____________________________________________  Date________

 

GOALS FOR THE SUBMISSIVE FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS

1.    To get into better physical shape and maintain physical fitness throughout the year

2.    To continue working on her patience.

 

GOALS FOR THE DOMINANT FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS

1.         To get into better physical shape and maintain physical fitness throughout the year

2.         To be more available in order to grow and strengthen the relationship