It has been a long time since I posted anything. Not because I haven’t wanted to or thought about it but honestly my life has been non-stop. In these 8+ months of 2016 – Daddy moved in with me, I traveled to Europe with school, focused on my thesis project, completed my MBA program, was transferred into a new position at work which I did not enjoy, changed jobs, divorce was finalized, moved and selling my house that I’ve been in for over 20 years. And if that isn’t enough being trying to be active in the community.
Needless to say I’m burnt out mentally. My submission is hard to tap into at times and natural at other times. I truly feel like the rope in a tug of war contest.
I’m so grateful and blessed to have had these extraordinary events happen in my life this year and I know that these were results of years of hard work and perseverance. Grit and Resilience became my middle name. As things slow down a bit, I can re-focus on the little things again.
Speaking of little – this has been hard on my little side. Not being able to have lots of down time to play, needing focus to achieve my goals didn’t allow much time for silliness and my adult side really didn’t like the distractions my little gets into.
Yes I’ve come to realize that both my little and my adult are both part of what makes me….me. I separate them out a bit because I need to differentiate the individual needs. Little side wants fun and play all the time – wants to be out and social – wants attention – very frisky – likes to take risks and try new things. Adult side is far more serious – craves structure – far more slave like at the core – public face as a leader who gets stuff done – her way or the highway at the surface. Together they are me – flirty and playful who likes structure and to know her boundaries and runs amok within them eschewing order and strategically planning everything while learning new things everyday to ensure I know everything I can and helping everyone along the way.
A complex person with a loving and loyal heart and soul that pushes buttons and debates everything under the sun. I think Daddy would agree with that summary.
For the remaining bit of 2016 – I aim to slow down some to step back and enjoy the little things in life more. Spending time with friends and loved ones, going out and having some fun as well as sitting at home immersed in a book, cooking with daddy and enjoying the new world I’m now living in. Happy to have a home that feels calming and comfortable, lived in yet organized and structured, a blend of me and daddy. A place that I can turn off the outside world and simply be my submissive self.