My center has been connected once again. Yay! The reconnection and pulling from within was a journey of its own.
Feeling like you lost your submission is depressing and anxiety provoking. At least it was for me. It was also challenging for D as he had to contend with my moods and my lashing out. However, we worked together and while I’m sure there is still work to do, I at least feel myself again and the connection is there.
Through discipline, lots of talking and working on our contract renewal helped to piece back the puzzle that is me. Sir’s reminders that I am His, that I am worthy and that he had me helped me feel safe and loved. For some, this might have been all that was needed. For me, I needed more. Some mild discipline also helped but without him standing firm that the behavior has to change, was not enough. I exhibited very bratty behavior and couldn’t understand why. I broke some rules even. I needed Him to stand firm and put his foot down. I needed rules and consequences. I needed Him to take back the control.
Our contract renewal involved laying out rules, protocol and rituals that had been absent from our first one. This involved understanding one another and what it means to our relationship. This humbled me and allowed me to open up to Him. An intense scene followed and the final piece fell into place.
I no longer wanted to be in control. Once he took that back, I felt calmer. I felt more myself. I felt connected to my submission and to my Owner.
Thank you Sir.