Reconnecting

 

I’m in a phase of reconnecting to myself and my submission. The disconnect happened as a result of my need to be focused and very in control of my environment during a brutal 8 weeks of juggling a very complex group project.

Meditation and reflection helped keep me from losing my mind and becoming unbearable during those grueling weeks. My wonderful, loving D also helped immensely.  However, neither of us realized just how hard I took that time frame and the disconnect that it brought.  I know I felt off but couldn’t explain it.  He knew I was stretched thin and mentally exhausted so didn’t push the snarky behavior I was exhibiting.

I knew my submission wasn’t lost for good, it just annoyed me that I couldn’t bring it out overnight.  I have a need for self-perfection (not smart I know).  Not feeling submissive, is not normal for me.  I may be in charge at work or lead groups but I tend to always feel submissive even when I appear otherwise.  This was the first time since I let my submissive out, so to speak, that I didn’t feel myself.

My Sir was wonderful and reminded me he had me and would get me through it all.  And he has.  I’m quite grateful to him for dealing with the crazy that I have been as of late and not taking it personally. And for helping me reconnect even if I don’t always like the methods to get there.

More to come….

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It’s been a while

It has been a while since I last posted.  Life has gotten in the way.  Being in grad school and having a capstone course these past few months has become a second full time job.

I have disconnected from my own submission to the point that I feel lost. My mind is filled with so much and the struggle to reconnect is not coming easy.  I know it will return, I do not have doubts about that. It is who I am.

I’ve missed reading all of your blogs and writing.  I’m looking forward to returning.