Tantrum

It was bound to happen at some point… My little melted down and had a tantrum.

Tears abounded and hurt feelings were had.  Logic had no place in this emotion led tale.

Daddy has had to take a 2nd job for the holidays. He works long hours at his regular job and then this 2nd one takes advantage of him by scheduling him and then changing the schedule last minute. While not intended, he has ended up working every single weekend (all weekend) for the past 2 months.  I’ve tried to keep logic in mind and to guide Miss little through it, but alas she broke.

I was supposed to see Daddy last night and with one night’s notice, I learned that they were having him work again.  I was sad and tried to swallow the bitter pill thinking there would still be time this weekend.  I did learn that he would now be available to spend Christmas Eve with me and my family and friends.  I was happy about that and tried to keep the focus there.

Unfortunately, I asked about the weekend and didn’t hear back from him, so I knew that it wasn’t gonna happen. I lost my holiday spirit and my logic left the building. I became hurt and angry. When we had time to text about it, there wasn’t any hope given. No spark of us seeing each other til next week.  And then it happened, I spewed off words that not only hurt him, but hurt me more. I cried and couldn’t get anything done. I wanted to scream and throw things (managed to not do this) but I wasn’t happy. I tried to keep the words respectful and tried to avoid them, but he wasn’t having it.  He let me know that I was distrusting him and disrespecting that he was doing all he could given the situation.  After this weekend, there is only one more day he has to do this crazy schedule.  I couldn’t hear the words. I was lost in the emotion and the sadness of not being in his arms, even if it meant that I’d only see him to go to sleep.  I know I’d hate that as we wouldn’t be able to enjoy each other, he would be too tired from working 17 straight hours only to go back in a few hours later.

On and on this went and finally he put an end to the tantrum letting me know he will not tolerate it. He understands I’m not happy and that I’m sad. He knows I know that he loves me but he will not tolerate the distrust and disrespect.  The words finally struck and I suddenly was more upset that I made him think I distrusted him and that I was disrespecting our relationship.

He wanted me to curl up in bed with my throw blanket and relax. To think of him and know that he is doing everything he can for the two of us.  I couldn’t sleep until I knew he was home from work. My submission is always there, even when we aren’t together. I had forgotten that lately because of his hectic schedule.  He is patient with me and my grad school schedule, and I need to be patient with his short term schedule that is out of his control.  Being reminded of my place and the committment to our relationship was what I needed to jolt me out of my emotional tantrum.

Hugs Daddy. xoxo

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