Polyamory and being a Little

Thought of the day – can I still be polyamorous now that my little is roaming free?

As I ponder this thought and ask if anyone has any insights to share…. I’ll provide a brief background.

Several years ago,  I allowed by submissive nature to flourish. I gave it the freedom from the box I kept it hidden in.  I ventured into the lifestyle of D/s and fell in love with a Polyamorous Dominant.  I became a member of a poly family.  No we did not live together and we kept it very hush hush.  The Dom was poly, and his subs were monogamous to him. If bi- they could play together with his permission.  Being a straight newbie, I thought this made sense.  I did not question it. Too often I heard the phrase “you are not poly” said to me in disdain.  Eventually the Dom and I broke up because I couldn’t cut it in his family.

I spent the next two years, involved with the poly community in my area as many of my friends are poly and I wanted to know why was I not poly.  Come to find out that yes I am. I just wasn’t his version of poly.  This was an a-ha moment at a PolyLiving Conference.

See I believed in polyamory – multiple loves.  Your heart cannot be told who to love and who not to.  Some of those loves may be romantic partners, some may be very good friends that you consider family. Some may be your Dom and or sister subs.  It is just like the D/s lifestyle, it is what suits you.  Through the conference, the community and friends, I have found a place in the world where I fit in.  I believe that love is freedom and if you place it in a cage, it cannot flourish.  That is not to say that one becomes promiscuous either.  It simply means, if you fall in love, allow it to happen.

When Sir and I got together, I told him I was poly and had a small group of poly friends that I consider my chosen family as well as a poly community where I am an active member.  He did not waver, in spite of not being poly himself.  This allowed us to really dig in and talk about things.  We worked things out and I was allowed to have another partner so long as our boundaries and rules were adhered to.  It has worked out nicely as his rules are fair and he is always approachable to talk.

Now with my little out and about, I feel myself questioning poly all over again. Can I be poly and in my little state?  Can she handle it? Poly takes work, it takes control of your emotions. She isn’t good with that.  In hindsight, that might have been what happened in my first poly family attempt – my little ran my emotions without my acknowledgement of her.

I don’t know what the answer is right now. I’m sure I will be exploring this further……


4 thoughts on “Polyamory and being a Little

  1. I’m really looking forward to seeing what you find out. My LG struggles with the same issues. She wasn’t poly before getting into a relationship with me, but I am certainly poly and she has kind of come alone somewhat enthusiastically, but when faced with it in reality she’s having some concerns.

    We agreed that she would refrain from being little with anyone but me, but you can imagine that’s not always controllable and even when she’s not in little head space the adult actives can have an affect on her little self. I agreed to not be Daddy to anyone else, but I can tell you that us Daddies can’t always control our nurturing protective nature, and it has led to some uncomfortable situations.

    I have a lot harder time with my LG being out without my guidance and protection than I have with any other partners. I think we both need “babysitting” when the other is out with a different partner. But poly is in my blood so I can’t change it, just have to learn how to deal with it.

    1. Very true – littles and daddies cannot prevent their true nature. Being aware of it helps to control one’s reactions and that is really where my self awareness comes in.

      In my past poly exploration, I felt so alone when he was with others and even worse when others were there with us. I didn’t understand these emotions and no matter how hard I tried to squash them, they came out through body language.

      What I do know is that I needed something else to focus on in those times. Had I been given a task to do, that would have helped. Another thing that would have helped is reassurance of my place in his life before he went out with someone else.

      Even more importantly he could have helped us all by being the leader and guiding each of us subs together instead of individual relationships and throw us together from time to time.

      A little’s mind will travel to imaginary places when she doesn’t have all the facts.

      Good luck to you.

  2. Your post just gave me an “ah-ha” moment of self insight! Thanks!!

    My Love and i have tried a couple of poly relationships before we were D/s and neither worked. Now i get it…! Might work now with a “sister sub”, but before we tried as a triangle of equals. Both times i felt stressed and frustrated after a while because my submissivness was in conflict with that approach. Maybe we can try again now.

    1. I’m glad I could help. I love ah-ha moments. I’d also recommend seeing if there is a poly group in your area. Checking Meetup is a good way to start. The community support is quite helpful for those stressful times. Helps keep everyone on their own path.

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