A Dominant / submissive contract is a task in reflection, intention, motivation and emotion. It’s a chance for growth.
Before you even begin to write a D/s or M/s contract there are some things that you need to reflect upon. These are a few that I spent time on as I’ve been tasked with writing an agreement for D and I. Of course both of us had to do these things and discuss them before anything went down on paper.
You reflect back on past relationships, what worked, what didn’t.
You reflect on how you’ve grown as a person.
You reflect on what you need now.
You reflect on what you need from your partner.
What are your intentions in creating a contract? Is it a contract or an agreement? What is the term or length intended? There are many questions that you have to ask yourselves.
What are your roles and responsibilities to each other and relationship overall?
What are your limits?
How will you treat amending or terminating the agreement?
How detailed do you want it to be? Rules, rituals, guidelines spelled out or noted in general terms?
Expectations regarding other partner?
How are punishments acknowledged and handled?
To engage in the D/s or M/s lifestyle requires a level of motivation. There are needs, wants and desires of both the Dominant and the submissive. What are yours? What are your must haves?
Some things I needed to include for myself involved ensuring that the language used expressed that there is a full relationship here, not just for scenes/play. Love, cherishing and respect were large factors in my motivation as his submissive. Language of inclusion in each other’s daily lives was a motivator (not because we aren’t doing that, but to ensure it remains a part of our dynamic). I also wanted to ensure that my relationships with family, friends and my career were considerations so that I do not lose myself in our relationship (not for him, but for myself). For him, my obedience in and out of the bedroom is ensured for our power exchange dynamic to work. He wanted to ensure I’d safeword if necessary. He also has identified walls that he is carefully dismantling and so language on my agreement to overcome some of these obstacles is written in. We even included goals for one another for the duration of the agreement.
This task is overall an emotional one. You dig deep into your past, present and hopes for your future together. For me, there were emotional things from my past that I wanted to ensure would not be present in our future. Challenges in our present that we don’t want to negatively effect us. For me, the emotions I’m feeling are of joy, pleasure and hope. There is nervousness for the intentions we’ve voiced to be put out there in black and white, signed in ink. But, note the emotions are positive ones. If there was any negativity, hesitation or fears, this would not be signed. We’d have to address those concerns and alter the contract until the emotions are all positive.
So this weekend, D and I will sit down and review this together. We will go section by section and ensure our joint agreement. We will adjust as needed (likely minimal as this was previewed individually before editing). We know its content. We will add to our goals for the duration of our agreement (6 months for this first contract). And our intention is to sign it and to begin this next phase of our relationship.
For some, their contracts will include language that the Dominant will provide a token of his ownership over the submissive, such as a collar. While D and I have discussed collaring (don’t know if he has that planned for this weekend or not), but I didn’t want that included. I personally felt the collaring is a separate event and it being a material item that I didn’t feel should be a motivator for the relationship. JMHO.