I suspect she might be between 8 and 12. I think I know some of her fears, which center on not being good enough – smart enough, pretty enough… She wants to be loved, guided, cherished and respected. She is a mini-adult, wanting to grow up but not knowing how. She makes mistakes and is embarrassed by them, wants people to like her and want her around. She wants to have fun and have lots of friends. She wants to fit in. She wants to be silly and carefree. She wants to sing, dance and be seen.
Ah but the adult that she hides inside is shy and protective. I am focused and hardworking. I try too hard and put on a brave and strong facade to hide the little girl. I like to stand out professionally but also fade into the background personally. Except when with people I trust and know they care for me, they want me around. Then I ease up and can be more silly and carefree. I embarrass easily and take things more personally than I want to. These are my walls. They are oddly formed and a mesh of materials. They don’t look good together.
I read about littles and it is heartwarming about how daddies help them and nuture them. Its adorable that littles like to color and play and snuggle with stuffed animals. In many ways, I wish my little were that young. Instead she is on the horizon of adolescence. A tougher time to just be.
My little doesn’t want a daddy. She wants to grow up but safely and soundly. She wants guidance and taught how to be a confident little girl. She wants to enjoy life and have fun doing what makes sense for her. Does this make sense? Does that resonate with anyone else?
The one thing I’ve noticed is that security, discipline, love, nurturing, attention and being wanted are key elements by all of us.