Finding my Little….

little beachThis is the story of discovering I have a little…

I’ve been with D for 3 months now.  His dominance is felt and yet its so different from what I’ve known and experienced before.  Being that analytical one, I have to understand why.  I’ve also realized that I’m very different with D than my former dom.  Why?

I’ve been bratty with D, playful, sarcastic and well honestly just being me with him.  The brat thing has bothered me, because I didn’t understand why.  I’m normally a very obedient submissive.  So why do I brat with D? I’m comfortable with him, I feel safe, I don’t have to hide behind a tough persona, I also don’t have to let him walk all over me.  In fact he doesn’t want that.  So this really allows me to just be me. 

I’ve talked to a good friend of mine about it and its really a great thing to find someone that you are so comfortable around that your walls disappear (or not needed).  I talked to D about it and he was a bit surprised that I didn’t understand my bratty side.  This has been an ongoing discussion and self-analysis for a few weeks.

In the past few weeks I’ve been far more playful with D. My brat surfacing again, in teasing ways.  He pointed my “attitude” out and assured me that he enjoyed it. He liked me being feisty.  I also reprimanded him about something.  He called me on it.  So we discussed how comfortable I was and how his style of dominance allowed me to let go of my walls.  I agreed.  But then he said something that gave me pause.  He said that he has seen and understands that at times I need to be handled like a child.  He was prepared for a fight. But the words hit home.  He’s right.

More self-analysis…..  and I realized that my need for rules and structure and more importantly my need for discipline has all been pointing in this direction.  I have a “little” in me.  She’s never felt safe enough to surface outright.  She’s only shown herself in my reactions to things that hurt.  Now she’s making herself known because he has provided me an environment where she can. 

I’m not sure how I feel about it, but it makes so much sense.  He sees straight through me which is a bit unsettling, but very much wanted and appreciated. D understands that my little is testing him.  So now that I’ve found my little, now what?

I’m not sure how to handle her, or what to do about her.  Anyone have any good advice?

 

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