When I look at my past experiences, they’ve mainly been sexual but more importantly they’ve been psychological. My submission has been based in being enslaved to him. He would use some bondage from time to time, but his focus was on getting in my head. Mental bondage keeping me in my place both emotionally and physically. I being the obedient little concubine, would not move if told to stay, would come when told and would obey even when pushed outside comfort zones. I thought this was all part of my learning the lifestyle and growing from a newbie sub to a full deeply committed slave to my Master. And it was….
But at some point during the ups and downs of our complicated relationship, it turned to a game for him. He knew i was deeply loyal and devoted. He knew I was obedient. He knew I was scared, lonely and hopeful for our future together. He took full advantage of the things he liked most about me and used them to exploit my weaknesses. Then used those weaknesses to keep me in line when our relationship unraveled. He won’t let me go. He says goodbye and I start to pull away and he yanks me back. And I let him.
I let him because I was scared. Because loyalty and devotion mean something to me. Its not a switch on or off. But the embers are dying. They need to, I want them to and because I deserve the freedom.
He wreaks havoc on my emotional well being, he expertly uses my body. Like an ember floating in the night sky, he gets in my head and his words float all around. My soul belonged to him.
My soul left his embrace many months ago…. my mind learned to hear him but block the embers from lighting a fire…. my body enjoys him but no longer needs him….. my emotions have just started to see the last of the embers dying out.
I have those that love me, here to protect me. Those that have stood by me and helped me see the true picture and those new to my life who want to be with me and help me grow. While there is still some fear, it is time….. it is time to let go of that security blanket that i’ve been embarassed by for a while now….. it is time to let the fire go out once and for all. It is time to let those that do care about me, get the loyalty and devotion that they deserve.