Tough Decisions…. yet easy to make

I’ve led a complicated life the past 6 years.  Was owned and collared, then uncollared but still His.  Then briefly not together at all. Then back together but not publicly acknowledged, then given equal but not equal status in his family. Then broken up but still together.  Then his lie crushed me and I bolted. I took a stand that was devastating to make but necessary.  Several weeks later I was pulled back in, but kept completely separate.  I viewed this period as a FwB time and led a very independent life and started rebuilding myself. Two years later he decides its time to end the FwB thing and says Goodbye.  The actual word.  It hurt like hell, but I felt so much lighter afterwards. I felt suddenly stronger than I have in years, mentally, emotionally and physically.   Then he decides to keep calling on me, demanding my obedience.   I stay strong and firm and say no, avoid him when possible.  I love him because he’s had an enormous effect on my life and my understanding of myself. He’s a good person, talented, creative and intelligent.

This time he’s been relentless, like grasping to keep me as His, but I haven’t been His in years. I’ve been loyal and devoted but I’ve been Mine!  He wasn’t happy that to his demand for soul searching, I made the tough decision to stay on my own path and not take another fork in the road with him.  While I’d like to say he’ll remain a positive yet distant part of my life going forward, the truth remains he can’t do it.  He would rather never speak to me again, then to support my journey with someone else.  He wanted to to know could I live with that…..

The tough decision was the easiest to make….. yes I could.

In the 24 hours since I made that choice, I’ve felt happy and peaceful. No more stress and worry of what shoe may drop.  And I’m so happy to have found someone that I enjoy, enjoys me and is taking the time to develop a strong foundation for a future together.

Last night with friends…. I was filling them in.  They said I was positively glowing.

 

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