Oh so much fun…..for the pleasure slave.

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I am a pleasure slave, one who takes pride in giving her Dom all that pleases him.  I’m learning my experiences have been limited.  Now I find I have my Owner and another who both serve as my Dom’s to guide my growth and my enjoyment of being a pleasure slave. I am one lucky girl.

One day my Dom says that I need to find a play partner, it can be male or female.  My personal preference is a man, but not just a vanilla man, a Dominant man.  I explain to my Dom just how hard that will be for me since I don’t like casual play situations and I have more of a poly heart and prefer to build relationships.  We agreed to think on things for a bit.  Meanwhile, someone who I had a brief tryst with a year ago resurfaces.  I really liked him then and was hurt when he disappeared.  After chatting and learning what was going on, we started talking about me. I told him I was dating a Dom and was happy.  He was happy for me and wished me luck.  And it struck me, could he be my play partner?

I mentioned it to him and he teased me a bit over a few days. In the meantime I mentioned it to my Dom.  And then I got really busy with work.  However, communication between me and my mysterious friend kept up and he was remembering our brief time together and I honestly was surprised he remembered so many details and seemed to really like that time with me.  Then he asked if I had talked to my Dom about him. And since I did….the conversation moved right toward him becoming my play partner.

So I put my Dom in touch with Mysterious friend and they conspired together.  So this is where it gets good….  two Dom’s both with a little sadistic streak  conspiring on ways to make little pleasure slave delight them.   And nope, they weren’t going to tell me what was in store.  (Huff!)

They agreed on boundaries and rules that my Dom wanted in place and they discuss any playtime before it happens.  They agree that they want me thoroughly used regularly.  (ok happy little slave here).

Two play sessions later, and I’m smitten.  Both give me such pleasure, over and over.  They take what they want and I’m so happy and content. But they make me work for that pleasure….. they tease and torment me.  They push my boundaries and conspire on new things for me to experience.  Bondage, elements of pain which leads to pleasure, humiliation and endurance.

Their goal is to break down my sexual walls so that I can fully embrace the pleasure slave that I am.  They tease and torment my embarrassment, yet tell me all the time, the things I’m really good at and strong in.  They say this all in a way that is encouraging and caring. They can be harsh in a session, but then they hold me and tell me what a good girl I was, how they are pleased.  When I don’t get why they want me to do something, they explain their thought process, or at least their motive.  It helps me to know I’m safe in their hands.

They do genuinely care for me, they have shown me so much pleasure in a few weeks time and they remind me just how much it pleases my Dom for me to obey and to submit fully to their knowledge of me.  They want what is best for me and yes that makes me one very lucky pleasure slave.

Thank you my kind caring Sir and my Mysterious friend.  You both are the best.

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Dying Embers

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When I look at my past experiences, they’ve mainly been sexual but more importantly they’ve been psychological.  My submission has been based in being enslaved to him.  He would use some bondage from time to time, but his focus was on getting in my head. Mental bondage keeping me in my place both emotionally and physically.  I being the obedient little concubine, would not move if told to stay, would come when told and would obey even when pushed outside comfort zones.  I thought this was all part of my learning the lifestyle and growing from a newbie sub to a full deeply committed slave to my Master.  And it was….

But at some point during the ups and downs of our complicated relationship, it turned to a game for him.  He knew i was deeply loyal and devoted.  He knew I was obedient.  He knew I was scared, lonely and hopeful for our future together.  He took full advantage of the things he liked most about me and used them to exploit my weaknesses. Then used those weaknesses to keep me in line when our relationship unraveled. He won’t let me go.  He says goodbye and I start to pull away and he yanks me back.  And I let him.

I let him because I was scared.  Because loyalty and devotion mean something to me.  Its not a switch on or off. But the embers are dying.  They need to, I want them to and because I deserve the freedom.

He wreaks havoc on my emotional well being, he expertly uses my body. Like an ember floating in the night sky, he gets in my head and his words float all around.  My soul belonged to him.

My soul left his embrace many months ago…. my mind learned to hear him but block the embers from lighting a fire…. my body enjoys him but no longer needs him….. my emotions have just started to see the last of the embers dying out.

I have those that love me, here to protect me.  Those that have stood by me and helped me see the true picture and those new to my life who want to be with me and help me grow.  While there is still some fear, it is time….. it is time to let go of that security blanket that i’ve been embarassed by for a while now….. it is time to let the fire go out once and for all.  It is time to let those that do care about me, get the loyalty and devotion that they deserve.

 

 

Owned

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Being owned is powerful.
A soul baring experience.

Based on truth
Passion
Connection
and Trust

Being owned is vulnerable
A giving of yourself
with no walls to protect

Need
Craving
Core desires

Being owned is an embrace
Wanted for who you are
Desired for what you offer
Cherished for what you give

Being owned is being loved
Intimately
Outwardly
Completely

 

Tough Decisions…. yet easy to make

I’ve led a complicated life the past 6 years.  Was owned and collared, then uncollared but still His.  Then briefly not together at all. Then back together but not publicly acknowledged, then given equal but not equal status in his family. Then broken up but still together.  Then his lie crushed me and I bolted. I took a stand that was devastating to make but necessary.  Several weeks later I was pulled back in, but kept completely separate.  I viewed this period as a FwB time and led a very independent life and started rebuilding myself. Two years later he decides its time to end the FwB thing and says Goodbye.  The actual word.  It hurt like hell, but I felt so much lighter afterwards. I felt suddenly stronger than I have in years, mentally, emotionally and physically.   Then he decides to keep calling on me, demanding my obedience.   I stay strong and firm and say no, avoid him when possible.  I love him because he’s had an enormous effect on my life and my understanding of myself. He’s a good person, talented, creative and intelligent.

This time he’s been relentless, like grasping to keep me as His, but I haven’t been His in years. I’ve been loyal and devoted but I’ve been Mine!  He wasn’t happy that to his demand for soul searching, I made the tough decision to stay on my own path and not take another fork in the road with him.  While I’d like to say he’ll remain a positive yet distant part of my life going forward, the truth remains he can’t do it.  He would rather never speak to me again, then to support my journey with someone else.  He wanted to to know could I live with that…..

The tough decision was the easiest to make….. yes I could.

In the 24 hours since I made that choice, I’ve felt happy and peaceful. No more stress and worry of what shoe may drop.  And I’m so happy to have found someone that I enjoy, enjoys me and is taking the time to develop a strong foundation for a future together.

Last night with friends…. I was filling them in.  They said I was positively glowing.

 

With a cherry on top………. please?

Its been a few days since I’ve last posted.  There are several reasons behind the distance.

  • Busy time at work
  • Family
  • Being pulled or pushed by my former Dom
  • Good news in my personal and professional life
  • Meeting someone new

From the last few posts in April, you know that my former has been contacting me and placing demands on me. This has been a challenge to stay true to me and not give in to those demands.  He has been a force in my life both good and bad. BUT I’ve learned much from him. He unlocked my submissiveness, he found and awoken my sexual core, he forced me to see myself and accept who and what I am.  These were hard as hell to deal with but I’m grateful all the more because he never let up.  Even now, after he said goodbye again, he isn’t letting up.  He says I need to learn and accept myself.  I cannot argue with him on this, but is he the right one for this stage in my journey?  He got emotionally cruel, he got demanding, but there is a point to his madness.  Have I searched my soul deeply enough?

Today he wants me to search hard and deep to determine if I’ll either willingly accept myself and his place in my world, be forced to accept it or does he never speak to me again.

In the midst of all of this, I’ve met someone wonderful. He has given me such peace and happiness in what has been such an emotional roller coaster.  He fits with me, he seems to get me and he seems to see the parts of me that I’m not easily open about. He makes me happy. So much so, that I want to move forward with him.  There is such a bright future ahead – no matter where it leads.  In the few weeks that I’ve known him, I’ve been lighter, happier and more joyful.

And added to this, I’ve gotten accepted into a program that I wanted to and I’ve expanded my role and responsibilities at work. I’ve seen old friends who’ve told me they’ve missed me.  Its been so encouraging.

So is May  multi-layered like an ice cream sundae….. with a cherry on top?      Image