A step in the direction of my new journey.
It was hard as hell to say goodbye to him the first time. I lost so much that day, my Dom, my lover, my best friend and my business partner. I walked away from it all because I was shattered. Shattered by a lie, shattered by loving someone so deeply who took everything I had to give but only gave what he wanted to give. Shattered by his indifference to it all and shattered by his expectation that I would take the blame and be the one who hurt another with a lie.
He never quite says goodbye….. I guess because we had been friends and partners before I became His. There was stuff to deal with about the business and hard to let go of the past. That always led to a mixture of emotions, but I could never stop submitting to him. He was my first Dom and I loved him deeply. I was devoted and loyal to him. How can you flip that switch off?
The reality is you can’t…. you don’t….. you have to heal from the hurt. You have to find your new path. Sometimes that path will intersect with his…. do what feels right in that moment. If you slip backwards, you probably needed it. You will slowly inch forward.
Then one day you just decide no matter how hard or painful it is to say goodbye it is for the best. The love is still there, tho not as intense and the caring for someone who was your everything doesn’t go away but it does shift. It is better to love and care than it is to grow hatred for someone who will never be able to be what you need.
So you will have to say goodbye again, and this time while it is hard, there is a peace in it that lets you know it was time, it was the right choice and now you can move onto your own path forward.
This goodbye doesn’t mean a forever thing, paths may cross or run parallel again, it doesn’t mean you haven’t grown or that you’ll slip backwards. This time it will be about the love and respect you once had for one another. Honor and cherish that. Loyalty and devotion don’t have to go away, it just changes shape.